im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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