please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
