I just cut my nipple shaving
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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