her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
