The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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