A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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