to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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