Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize