Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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