Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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