the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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