look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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