You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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