That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize