I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
