He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
