As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
