You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
