Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
