dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
