what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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