Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
