it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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