It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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