I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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