Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize