Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
