I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
