My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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