the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
