He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
