Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
