It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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