I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
