they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my sisters under your porch take her home
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
