That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize