just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
