Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Jerry, you need to find god
he thought i was a dude.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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