My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
