Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
