After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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