oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
