I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
