You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
