Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
