did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
