actually, I'm a sock model
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
