I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
