The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
