You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
