Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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