Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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