Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
God, I missed his penis.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize