Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
