New low: just hacked my moms facebook
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Randomize
