I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
