Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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