I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
