She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
