What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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