Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
