Already got asked if we're dating
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
