His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
