shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
oh god the rape fog is back!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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