I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
