I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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