Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
