I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
