Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize