i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
