Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
