I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you win again, gameday.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
