He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
