She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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